We are all wired for human connection. But a challenge in relationship is how to be truly vulnerable; the challenge of vulnerability is one we struggle with in both individual and couples therapy. I’m including here a lecture by Brene Brown on vulnerability; this is Dr. Brown’s original, and popular, TED talk. Dr. Brown is a researcher and self-described storyteller, and she discusses how her research on human vulnerability transformed the way she lives, loves, works and parents.
Dr. Brown, in the course of interviewing her subjects about love and heartbreak, about connection and disconnection, became intrigued by the power of excruciating emotional vulnerability, as she discovered that in order to experience meaningful emotional connection, we must allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.
Dr. Brown tells her audience that she decided she would outsmart vulnerability and notes . . . “as you know, it’s not going to turn out well.” Dr. Brown’s research led her to her own year in personal psychotherapy, fighting with her own vulnerability, and as Dr. Brown concludes, winning her life back.
Dr. Brown discusses the prevalent cultural practice of numbing vulnerability: “we are the most in debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in US history.” And we cannot selectively numb emotion, we cannot numb only the difficult emotions such as fear and sadness and disappointment, without also numbing joy, gratitude, happiness.
Dr. Brown’s observations include:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
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I hope that you enjoy this lecture, and you may want to consider sharing it with your partner or friend.
Dr. Brown is the author of several books, available at your local bookstore or through interlibrary loan, including The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are; Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead;
The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection.
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